The Top 10 Reasons to Attend Our Church
I was surfing around checking out the websites of some of our area churches, and I ran across one particular church in our community. I could not believe my eyes. On their website, they list the top 10 reasons to attend their church. Here they are, directly copied from their website...
10. You can hang with real people, like yourself.
(Get connected with social activities and class electives, when you're ready)
9. You'll feel welcomed but not harassed.
(no one will contact you, unless you want to be)
8. We have great children and youth programs.
(your kids will love the variety of activities offered)
7. Your infant will feel safe and secure.
(and so will you; we have a great nursery staff)
6. You won't be preached "at" or bored to tears.
(Commandment #11 - Thou shalt not bore people with the gospel)
5. We won't put you on the spot.
(feel free to blend into the crowd)
4. We have cool music.
(no aunt Betsy singing her favorite hymn, again)
3. We won't beg for money.
(and we don't pass an offering plate)
2. We offer great munchies.
(the best desserts and refreshments on Sunday; a hearty snack that rivals any dinner on Saturday)
1. Dress is casual and comfortable.
(no fashion police show up here)
Now, here are the top 10 reasons to attend Messiah Lutheran Church in Marysville, WA ...
1. Jesus
2. Forgiveness of sins
3. Jesus
4. Forgiveness of sins
5. Jesus
6. Forgiveness of sins
7. Jesus
8. Forgiveness of sins
9. Jesus
10. Jesus
10. You can hang with real people, like yourself.
(Get connected with social activities and class electives, when you're ready)
9. You'll feel welcomed but not harassed.
(no one will contact you, unless you want to be)
8. We have great children and youth programs.
(your kids will love the variety of activities offered)
7. Your infant will feel safe and secure.
(and so will you; we have a great nursery staff)
6. You won't be preached "at" or bored to tears.
(Commandment #11 - Thou shalt not bore people with the gospel)
5. We won't put you on the spot.
(feel free to blend into the crowd)
4. We have cool music.
(no aunt Betsy singing her favorite hymn, again)
3. We won't beg for money.
(and we don't pass an offering plate)
2. We offer great munchies.
(the best desserts and refreshments on Sunday; a hearty snack that rivals any dinner on Saturday)
1. Dress is casual and comfortable.
(no fashion police show up here)
Now, here are the top 10 reasons to attend Messiah Lutheran Church in Marysville, WA ...
1. Jesus
2. Forgiveness of sins
3. Jesus
4. Forgiveness of sins
5. Jesus
6. Forgiveness of sins
7. Jesus
8. Forgiveness of sins
9. Jesus
10. Jesus
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Comment by Kurt Onken on March 11, 2009 at 11:52am -
"best desserts and refreshments on Sunday" ... Yeah, right! But not the True Body and Blood of Christ. That's only grape juice and crackers.
And then, how about #7? "Your infant will feel safe and secure." Yeah, right! But we won't baptize 'em, that's for sure!
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Comment by James Robertson on March 11, 2009 at 12:09pm -
Commandment 11?
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Comment by James Robertson on March 11, 2009 at 1:30pm
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You can hang with real people, like yourself. As opposed to fake, no doubt.
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Comment by Jane on March 11, 2009 at 1:57pm -
Bore people with the gospel? Seriously?
Sounds to me like "We are not going to give you what you need" is their mission statement!
:)
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Comment by Stan Palmer on March 11, 2009 at 4:54pm -
With a list like that, I'm surprised they didn't have something like "We have the best looking Praise Babes/Dudes".
Jane, I agree! That item was by far the worst.
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Comment by Matthias Flacius on March 11, 2009 at 8:06pm -
The fact that numerous "Christian" books and church consultant specialists actually recommend such ads for "Christian" congregations demonstrates where we are.
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Comment by Kurt Onken on March 11, 2009 at 9:58pm
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Excellent, Joshua. I've often wondered about the naivete of folks who think their cool music is going to attract unbelievers to a Sunday morning worship service. Box scores, bacon and eggs, and coffee for me, thank you very much. Or Doritos and Sam Adams. Hey, whatever floats your boat at 10 am.
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Comment by Darth Swede on March 12, 2009 at 2:36am -
Where's the lutefisk?
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Comment by Matt Jamison on March 12, 2009 at 12:02pm -
Top 10 reasons to attend our congregation:
10. Word & Sacrament
9. Word & Sacrament
8. Word & Sacrament
etc., etc.
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Comment by Kurt Onken on March 12, 2009 at 3:46pm
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Turning Point got into some hot water lately. They are also being discussed quite a bit on a cult forum, not that they are classified as a cult, but apparently they are exhibiting some cult-like tendencies.
Look forward to meeting you this Sunday, Michial. You picked the right time to visit...I leave next Wednesday for China to receive our son. I don't return until April 1.
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